Dr. Maria Montessori realized that the key to a child reaching their full potential is intrinsic motivation. When children are working, their focus and concentration should be respected. Frequent comments from adults distracts them and should be avoided. Before you can interrupt your child with a question or a prompt, pause to see if it is really necessary.However, this doesn’t mean that praise and reinforcement are bad - it simply indicates that we should be mindful when commenting on what a child is doing. 
The problem with saying “Good job”
Saying “Good job!” is quite common and most likely the first thing that comes out of our mouths when we see something our child has created or accomplished. Completing the task becomes the focus and your approval becomes important. This may lead your child to become dependent on you to know if something they have done is ‘good’ or not. It might not only prevent them from taking risks or trying something new but might also lead them to become over confident and gain a false sense of their capabilities.
Rethinking Praise
- When your child comes to you with something they have done, be mindful of over praising them. It’s easy for children to want to do things because they are extrinsically motivated which includes praise, rewards and treats.
- If you are telling your child how you feel about something they’ve done (I like.. I love..) be sure to give them a reason explaining why.
- Recognise the progress your child has made - comment on what they have accomplished but also give constructive feedback with goals for next time.
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Instead of |
Try this |
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1. Avoid making the comments about yourself |
I love the picture you drew |
That is a wonderful selection of colours |
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2. Comment on their hard work versus intelligence |
You are so smart, you drew that so well! |
I notice you worked hard on that art piece |
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3. State facts vs opinions |
The rose is so beautiful! |
I noticed you drew a red rose just like the one we saw in the garden on our walk yesterday |
Here is a video that shows the outcome changing the way you praise might have Psychology of Success: Praising for "Effort" vs. "Ability"
Sentence starters
Here is a cheat sheet for you, you can print and have it displayed for quick access to give you a few sentence starters when praising your child. In this sheet you will find four categories of sentence starters. The first is for when you notice something interesting and are stating facts. The second, to the right of the first, is for some great work that your child has - it might make you feel happy, but instead of just saying how it makes you feel, it prompts you to give reasons. The third quadrant is for the times you know your child can do more. You want to encourage them to continue working on it and develop it further. The last is when you are unsure about something and may need to ask questions to clarify!
When you notice something interesting and are stating facts
When your child does great work it might make you feel happy, but instead of just saying how it makes you feel, it prompts you to give reasons
When you know your child can do more
The last is when you are unsure about something and may need to ask questions to clarify!